Hey everyone I hope all is well. How am I? Well up until about an hour ago I was doing great but then I was told that the movie Die Hard is a Christmas movie by a few “friends”. Those friends include my buddy Ben Axe (from RSH and Paranormal Axetivites), Talysa and Sarah (from The Shit Show: A Half Assed True Crime Podcast) among many many others. Those podcasts you can find on The Buzz by the way, but that’s not the point. The point I’m trying to make is DIE HARD IS NOT A CHRISTMAS MOVIE!!!! Just like any good debate you have to back up your statements with facts right? Well, here we go. These are the 5 reasons why Die Hard is NOT a Christmas movie.
5.) Lack of Christmas Traditional Motifs
What makes a good Christmas movie one may ask? Santa Claus, reindeer, elves, snowmen and people shopping. Christmas is nothing without all of these elements in it. Does Die Hard have any of these? NO! What’s Frosty the Snowman without Frosty? Nothing! Christmas without Santa? Nothing? What’s Santa without his reindeer? NOTHING! Get my point? If you are celebrating Christmas without these things that is no Christmas I would want to be a part of. But Die Hard has none of these yet is a Christmas movie? Give me a break. On to reason number 4.
4.) Way Too Much Violence
Who on Christmas Eve gets there family together and says “Hey lets watch this movie where people fight and kill each other?” If your aiming to watch an action movie sure but not a CHRISTMAS MOVIE. Christmas movies are supposed to be meaningful, warm and uplifting. Does Die Hard have a good warm ending? Sure. Does that really make a difference? Weapons and guns have no business in a Christmas movie. No, it doesn’t. Think of the classic Christmas movies. National Lampoon’s Christmas Vacation, Elf, Bad Santa, A Christmas Story, Polar Express, Rudolph, Santa Clause, Office Christmas Party, Die Hard and The Night Before. Wait did you see what I did there? Do you see how Die Hard DOES NOT fit in with those movies? It doesn’t at all. Its RATED R FOR VIOLENCE FOR HEAVENS SAKE! Their is very minimal feeling of anything Christmas in this movie. Nothing IMO would get me more out of the Christmas spirit than watching Die Hard on Christmas Eve.
3.) The Most Iconic Line in the Movie has NOTHING to do with Christmas
Remember in the movie Home Alone when you heard the line “Merry Christmas, ya filthy animal? ” Die Hard‘s “Yippee ki-yay, motherf—er” is an ode to westerns, not Christmas. The most iconic part of this movie has zip, zero, nada to do with Christmas. The more I think about it I’d be curious to see how one could even argue it is a Christmas movie. Think again of all the classics listed above in reason 4. What do all of the most memorable moments in those movies have to do with? CHRISTMAS! Get it? The most memorable parts of Christmas movies should be about Christmas. I know that and I’m the farthest thing from rocket scientist. Need more reasons? You came to the right place, here is reason 2.
2.) The Movie Came out in JULY
Typically Christmas movies come out closer to the holiday, no? Not in the middle of the Summer. But Josh, isn’t this movie set in Christmas? Sure, but that doesn’t make it a Christmas movie. The most festive element in this movie is a dead villain in a Santa hat. This is a shoot-em-up flick that could come out at any time of the year and it did. IT CAME OUT IN OCTOBER! By the time Christmas time came around this movie was no longer in theaters. This signs are obvious people just quit lying to yourselves but if you still don’t want to take my word for it, I got someone you might listen to…
1.) Bruce Willis Said Die Hard is NOT a Christmas Movie!
You all know who Bruce Willis is right? You know, the guy who stars in the movie Die Hard. Yeah that guy. Well. guess who said that Die Hard is NOT a Christmas movie. HE DID. The guy who got the script for the movie, was explained by producers and directors that “Hey this is an action thriller movie, not a Christmas movie” so what more proof do you need. HE IS THE STAR OF THE MOVIE! Yeah, he said it during a Comedy Central Roast but Willis have never back tracked on those statements even up to this day. As my grandma would say “Straight out of the babies mouth.” The movie’s cinematographer Jan De Bont said “I’m not sure if the spirit of Christmas is fully embraced by this movie to be honest.” Well, well, well. Another person that was a part of the development and production of this movie telling you “Hey, this isn’t about Christmas.” Mic drop, curtain close and I will now take my bow.
If you still think Die Hard is a Christmas movie I recommend that you read these reasons as many times as you need to until you start thinking more clearly. If not, it’s okay. I still love each and everyone of you (even though your wrong here) and I hope everyone has a safe and happy holiday season. On top of everything else stay safe in this crazy world we live in, and as always Yippe Ki YaY M************.